Habits...aren't those what nuns wear?

Well yes, but that's not the kind of habits I'm talking about.  I'm talking about the sit-on-the-couch-and-watch-tv-while-eating-a-big-bowl-of-ice-cream kind of habits and the what-the-hell-is-a-carrot kind of habits that got me into this mess in the first place.  Of course, I can't really remember when I acquired these sweet, little behaviors, but here I am and now I'm thinking.  It's a dangerous place...

Dictionary.com defines a habit as "an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has almost become involuntary."  Hmmm.  Interesting.  There are a couple of key words in there, did you catch them?

The first bit would be that a habit, according to the web-based dictionary gurus, is a behavior.  Now, I realize this might seem elementary, but given my expertise in being a big girl, I have a variety of excuses that would claim that my weight and lifestyle are part of my personality and genetics.  But they are saying that it's behavior!  Ludicrous!  Why, you ask?  Because if it's a behavior, and not only that, but an acquired behavior, then I might just have some control over it.  Well isn't that just a bag of crazy!

Of course it's not and I know that.  But now that I know I might have some control over it, what does that mean?  It means that I might actually be able to lose all the weight I'm supposed to.  It means I can exercise on a daily basis.  It kinda shoots all the excuses I've had for being okay with the status quo right in their big ol' foot.  Darn, they were pretty comfy excuses.

Then, those silly masters of terminology went and threw in that a behavior followed eventually becomes a behavior that is almost involuntary.  So what is it?  Are my bad health habits in or out of my control?  Sheesh, take a side already. 

But really, how I read that is that while I might have some bad health habits, I am still the only person in control of me and my behaviors.  And if I want to change those behaviors, I can do it, because they are only almost involuntary.  And, according to this, if I want to acquire a new habit then I'm going to have to follow that new habit until it becomes almost involuntary too.  Right?  Simple logic, clean, direct, sounds easy.

And it really is.  Honestly, when we put our minds to anything we really can do it.  It's the putting our minds to it that's the trick.  Like how I am at 5am when I need to go workout and I know that I just have to get out of bed and it will be okay.  It's the getting out of bed that's the hard part!  I'm my worst enemy when it comes to making excuses or ignoring what I really know to be healthy in lieu of something that might make me feel happy, but only for the short term.  In the process of changing behavior, it's really pretty simple and at the same time takes A LOT of work.  People who haven't ever acquired bad habits (and I'm not sure there's a single person out there who hasn't) and have tried to change their behavior won't understand what that is like.  It's a complete mind shift.

I think of it like this:  I love sweets.  I love everything sweet and delicious.  Now, my bad habits/behaviors have always led me toward the cookie table.  A real example would be this luncheon I went to last week at work.  They had a delicious salad buffet and healthy wraps and right at the end of the table was a platter of oh so yummy looking cookies and brownies and desserts.  I caught myself gravitating toward it over and over, hovering, eyes gazing longingly, damn near drooling.  It was the habit, the unnatural urge that kept pulling me back that was so unnerving.  And yet I was able to consciously stay away with a quick and mindful redirect that my health wouldn't sustain another cookie (this is what I tell myself...) and that honestly I don't want it.  Of course my body is screaming at me that I want it , I NEED it and if I can't have it I'm going to wither away.  Well, that last part is anything but true, I think we can all agree about that.  :-)  The point is that it took me three rounds with the cookie tray before my mind was like, uh uh, no way and turned my feet in the opposite direction.  It can be very hard to re-train your brain.

These days, instead of indulging that sweet tooth with cookies, I've started to replace it with sweet fruits and they satisfy me just as well and maybe more.  The watermelon I have in the fridge is especially delicious. I figure that slowly, as I consciously re-arrange my lifestyle and restrict myself to the natural types of food to sustain my cravings, I will begin to make these behaviors, these choices, these habits "almost involuntary" to a point where my mind will naturally guide me to the salad and fruit buffet and ignore the other parts.  Of course, 29 years of bad habits doesn't go away overnight, so this is going to be an interesting process to be sure.

And if you need some clues and ideas on how to eat healthy, I suggest spying on someone who has the complete opposite habits as you do...that's what I've been doing and I'm pretty sure one of my co-workers thinks I'm stalking her.  Oh well. 

What bad habits are you going to change this week?

A Wake-Up Call

So, my inferiorities at keeping up a blog aside it is time to start anew.  And now, with added gusto, I begin a completely new phase of my life in which I take control again of who I want to be and how I want to live.  You may be asking yourself, "why, Amy, whatever can you mean?  You seem so happy with your life?"  or maybe your saying "geez, Amy, finally, now stop your self-indulgent pity-party and get your butt in gear!"  Of course, I'm putting words in your mouth but that is exactly what I am going to be doing, putting my butt in gear to lose weight, change my lifestyle and hopefully my life.

Enough is enough.  This realization came to me in the past two weeks after visiting my doctor and getting some pretty uncomfortable news.  At 29, I am now pre-diabetic, have high blood pressure and am on the verge of a very tall cliff with my internal organs.  At 29.  20-freaking-9. 

So after this news was taken in and process for a whole of 5 minutes I realized that I need to stop playing around.  While a variety of things can cause the above-mentioned issues, I am in no more denial that ultimately my weight is playing the biggest role.  I am 119 lbs overweight.  There, I said it.  Done and done.

The doctor has put me on medication for blood pressure, restricted my diet to little to no refined sugar, no alcohol (aaahhh!!!), and more exercise with the message that if I don't turn my lifestyle around soon, it's going to get worse.  So instead of curling up on my not-so-comfy couch and taking a good, self-pity cry with a bag of cookies and my remote control, I have decided to attack this issue from all sides.  What does that mean, you ask?  Well, in a nutshell, it means this:

• No more fast food
• No more pizza
• No more soda
• No more candy
• No more cookies or ice cream or sugar coated sugar sticks (jk!)
• No more sitting on my butt watching tv all weekend
• Salads for lunch and dinner
• Fruit all day long
• Exercise and activity 7 (yes 7!) days a week
• Etc, etc, etc.

Sounds tough, right?  You couldn't be more wrong.

What it sounds like is I can finally stop kidding myself and giving myself excuses, right?  I have made excuses not to have salads or fruit or healthy foods around me at all times.  I've made excuses not to exercise and lose weight.  I've got every excuse in the book.  And now, there's not an excuse good enough.

What about this excuse:  "I'm too busy to get to the gym every day."

Lame, that's what.  How about this one:  "Making a good salad is too hard and requires too many ingredients."

Ultra lame.  My response now is:  "This is how you live.  You eat salad, you work out every day, you care about you enough to get healthy.  So stop being such a pansy and do it!"

It's actually been a great week and full of discoveries.  I'm remembering that I actually like to live this way and eat this way and it's really not that difficult.  I'm remembering that I am a strong and active person.  I am learning and discovering a lot about the self-sabotage I have used in the past few years that has kept me from making the commitment to being healthy. 

So now begins the journey to find that inner-skinny person who has been fighting to get out all these years.  My first goal is 28 lbs by August 31st and between now and then I hope I will figure out how to keep up the momentum to finish this once and for all!

Accidentally Gourmet

So I realize the idea of a food blog is not a new one, but here's to hoping this adventure is a positive one.  In an effort to not be narcissistic or self-important, this all comes down to my health.  I am and have remained very overweight since the birth of my child (and maybe before that, wink, wink, but everyone needs a good excuse!) and in the past year of dieting and trying to learn a whole new lifestyle, I feel there is still something missing.  I've definitely gotten better at this process, but it's still a process.

I love food.  That's the barest fact there is and I have figured out that I am in love with cooking, playing with recipes and trying out new things.  I've also learned over the past few years that in order to get to where I want to be with my health and my weight loss, it's going to be important to try new things and learn an entirely new way to cook my food.  And if I can have some fun along the way, well great!

So this blog is really just all about me and my learning new ways to cook, a new way to live and if it works then I'll be on my way.  I hope to share recipes, both good and bad, and all the ridiculous little challenges that pop up when we try to change our habits and live differently.  I hope you enjoy the read!